just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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