I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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