you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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