why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
