remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
