Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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