May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
