you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
