everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
