Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
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