Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
