mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Even my vagina gasped.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
