my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
