Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
