The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
