I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
