I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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