You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
