just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
