we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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