sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My feet surprised me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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