I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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