i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
