i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
