what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
