i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
