i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
