Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
