Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
