I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
