Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize