Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
