maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
