its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
