After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
