This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
