This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
