there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
