im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My dick has a subreddit
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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