Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
