I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
