this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
