Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
