Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My cat gives me a boner
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
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