I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
