Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
