My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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