it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
