I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
