the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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