FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
