Are we in a gay sports bar?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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