The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
